The most amazing boy...

No jokin'

This past work week must have been one of the longest in my life. Three days of running around, writing report cards, sharing the love between 25 little ones, observations, and super fast planning for the upcoming week...all to be able to take a long weekend away from this hellish place I call home. Now to speed bump over the idea of home being so awful, I just hate the constant feeling of being alone. Without my loves, I'm lost. We all know this by now so back to the fast track of the weekend lifestyle in Hoboken and NYC. This weekend was nothing less than perfect. Dom and I took a trip to north jersey to hang with a few friends, eat some damn good food, and fill our bellies with a ton of beer. All three events on our list are checked off as complete, but we were given much much more then we even bargained for once we arrived.

First of all Hoboken is beautiful. I love it. I'd move there tomorrow if I had the salary and lifestyle to do so. As for the people..fantastic. Just a down to earth, successful and fun place to be. Walking in the city, eating chocolate covered cannolis and people watching all in one afternoon is wonderful as well. As for the night scene we hit up two amazing places that I recommend: the beer garden in Hoboken and City Winery in NYC. Both places have fantastic atmosphere, great service and awesome food and drinks. I'd go to both places again in a blink of an eye. At the city winery we were fortunate to see Ben Lee sing within the cozy venue. He is hilarious and his voice is so soothing. After that incredible show the tables turned and some ladies got up stay to performe a show called burlesque. Wow was that a blast! All in all, the weekend was filled with laughter, friends, food, and great music.

As for being back to the daily grind...it sucks. Leaving Dom again today was not easy and the slow "single" feeling in my head doesn't help a girl to smile. Just going to have to keep my head up, work out (god knows I need to with the amount of food and drinks in me), and plan the upcoming girls weekend. Until next time my fellow readers. Mwuah...

Hey readers...I feel like I'm riding an emotional roller coaster lately and I must say that as I wrote my last post I thought my world was about to be turned upside down. Dom made a choice and will not be moving for work after all. This was a surprise to many, including myself, because of his desire to be successful, but I think that things will work out for the best. I tried to stay neutral with decision making so I wouldn't have much emotional influence on the choices made so I forced myself into total "friend" mode. I wanted to give advice and be helpful like a best friend would be and I only pray that what I said helped. As for things now, he's just continuing to keep the ball rolling and I am just looking forward to great news that will help him create steady roots for life. I am just so proud of his eagerness and the willingness to be patient and smart. He truly is one of a kind :)

As for me, I am feeling good. I just devoured a mug full of moose tracks ice cream with rainbow jimmies for dessert and plan to read or let myself drift into a great chick flick. My weekend had its ups and downs, but the ups outweigh the rest. Dom came up Friday and we had a blast as usual. Mexican dinner and drinks with ice cream Sundays for dessert. Then just hanging out and enjoy each others company. I honestly still get giddy when he is around. We just have so much fun and he makes me feel so happy in simple ways. Saturday was great too...ladies night in Conshy with wine that could drown anyone. It was exactly what I needed to wind down and reboot my life. Well actually I think the Advil, extra nap and a long night sleep to cure my hangover first will reboot me for another work week. Hahaha my friends are the best.

Now it's just: get through it until I am with Dom or my family again. I am throwing around the idea of joining a yoga studio to do bikram yoga a few times a month. I've done it once before and can't get it out of my head....Any thoughts?

As I drove away from ocean city tonight with tears streaming down my face and what seemed like the drive to hell ahead of me, all I could think of was the idea of driving to the place where I live as I was leaving my home. that feeling eats away like fire through newspaper and I thought my heart would never feel the same. I am always upset leaving Dom and driving back to a place where I feel like my only connection to life is work, but tonight was especially hard. With dom's incredible news and more than likely move hundreds of miles away, the reality hit that this could have been one of my last weekends spending it as a "local" in ocean city. I didn't think I was so attached to the stinky carpet and the constant smell of dudes, but I guess I really did love it and feel welcome into the home. It is amazing how you don't realize the connection to something until you feel it slipping away. With my broken heart and blubbery face, I used my only resources that could help me shake the blues...my sisters. I called jack and she took my mind elsewhere: funny family stories and silly celeb shots. Then, I called Lauren and she made me feel strong. She encouraged me to continue using my strength, happiness and love as my motivation. She told me to stay strong and look from the positive side, not the negative. She reminded me why I do what I do....love. I do what I do, I fight for what I want and I work my ass off for the future I feel like I deserve. Lauren brought me back down to reality by " slapping my cheek" and saying you will be ok, fight through it and remember why you do it. She told me that I am lucky enough to have a weekend of laughter and love. She is absolutely right. This weekend was full of fun, laughs, friends, good food and most importantly love. My tears come from the love I feel every time I visit O.C and the love I have for the people and things there. My life seems tough at times, but I am lucky. I might be one of the luckiest girls in the world...4 incredible sisters, friends that are always there, and a guy that loves me for who I am. What more could a girl ask for?

"People need dreams, there's as much nourishment in them as food."

~ Dorothy Gilman

We'll all get there someday. Sweet dreams my readers...

Ive got my thinking cap on

Another weekend with good old me and another weekend fighting back the tears of loneliness that I feel through each one. During the weekends of no work, no grad class paper, and no loved one to spend the time with really requires me to put on my thinking cap and get the hell through it. Now you might say to yourself hmmm that sounds nice to have a peaceful weekend to relax without someone telling you what he/she would like to do. Well when you get to spend each and every other week day with just your own thoughts and your busy schedule, a weekend alone is the least desirable. The one positive to all of this is the time I do have to analyze what is really important in my life. It sure as hell is my family, my friends who could live close by me if I chose a different place to live, a cute guy that I'd prefer to see everyday, rather than every other weekend, and possibly even a place to go outside or in a small town that I enjoy visiting. All of these things ring the word "home" to me and I feel like I don't even have one of them to escape with.

Now it was my choice to move and start work right away, but could I have waited and lived off my parents...no probably not. I needed to work as soon as possible to get my life started a.k.a. Pay my bills. Which I'm thankful for...I appreciate more and I know how tough life can really be...no surprises for me. But as I think about these past choices I think to myself now and ask:"why am I choosing to stay put and stop changing my situation for the better? Why have I stopped making a choice?" If you're not happy, change it. Right?! Well this is when I begin to make excuses for myself...is life really that awful, are you really that unhappy, can you just pick up and go somewhere else? I answer yes to each of those questions. So what the hell am I still doing here? I honestly think I've been waiting on a miracle, something to tell me that it's the right time! But how do I really know. I'm scared a drastic change will cause problems and upset. What do I do? I'm truelly unhappy but terrified about what is behind door number 1. What can I finally do in order to live a "happy" life?

The whirl wind...

So I feel like I'm living within a tornado sometimes. Emotions up one day, down the next 10 days, then back up to a great mood all of a sudden. I sometimes wonder what is going on up there in that brain of mine. It's actually been crazy the past few days. Crazy because I've felt good.

Feeling good in my thoughts, staying positive about current situations, and finally back to my one true "feel good drug"....running outside. Maybe it was the running and fresh air? Who knows what it is. I honestly don't care; I like It.

Life feels great at the moment and it could possibly be the amazing Gribbin sandwich weekend. Last weekend at mom and dad's eating pork roast and potatoes with the original 5, or it could be this weekend in ocean city with my sisters, the salty air and a guy that I sure do love..who knows. Like I said before..stop asking why, just go with it and enjoy! Speaking of this weekend though I can't wait for it!We are going to have so much cozy, yummy fun.

Finally, my last thought to loose sleep over, or well quiet honestly to live off of is the excitement I feel for my future. I know this sounds crazy but really, it is so uncertain. I always thought it would be, but it definitely may not be what I have expected...and that goes for now, and in the far future. I've learned something in the past few days...keep an open mind, a smile on your face, and a prayer on your lips. You never know when one can save the day.

2012 is here!

I can hardly believe that we are now in the new year of 2012! This past year has been full of wonderful times with family and friends, but also 2011 has been packed with sad and telling experiences. However, Lauren said it so well in a text on new years eve and it went a little something like this..."we've gotten through it together and that's all that matters". She is absolutely right...being together keeps us strong and gives us the ability to fight through any and every obstical. I pray that this upcoming year brings a lot of happiness through laughter, health for us all, and most importantly the time together that we love and need. Good bless us!!

As for the much needed work break that I am so lucky to have, words can only hit a fraction of the relaxation, love, rest, and self reflection that I was able to enjoy. Much of my break was spent in ocean city with Dom. He worked for most of the day which was a major bummer, but it did allow me to enjoy walking and running the boardwalk, read a great series called The Hunger Games, and catch up on "slowing down". "slowing down" is something my dad has told me to do my whole life...basically telling me to "think before you speak" "OPEN your mouth when you talk", "tomorrow's a new day", "wait wait wait, talk to me", and the most recent one "Jess just slow down". Words of wisdom from my Daddy-o alright. Honestly though he has been right all of these years and thank goodness he was because I've been listening. My new years resolution for the upcoming 2012 is to slow myself down. Now this really doesn't mean literally walk slow or stop , but it does include things happening in life and how I think they need to be accomplished. Usually I say RIGHT AWAY, but "slowing down" means to take each day for what it's worth. Use the 24 hours god gave you and do what you can with it. Do not over do it and do not become lazy either. Just use your day to get things done and be happy. Also by slowing down I need to stop and remember I need "me" time too. I usually give all of "me" to others and I forget to rest or enjoy things that I love.

I plan to make this work. I also know that I've created this lifestyle for myself and it will take time to alter it for just me. I can do this, and I honestly believe it will help me become a better sister, lover, friend, teacher and coach. This resolution might also ward off the gray hairs that might start popping through...hmm am I thinking to far into this? Dom, what do you think? Hehe