Ive got my thinking cap on

Another weekend with good old me and another weekend fighting back the tears of loneliness that I feel through each one. During the weekends of no work, no grad class paper, and no loved one to spend the time with really requires me to put on my thinking cap and get the hell through it. Now you might say to yourself hmmm that sounds nice to have a peaceful weekend to relax without someone telling you what he/she would like to do. Well when you get to spend each and every other week day with just your own thoughts and your busy schedule, a weekend alone is the least desirable. The one positive to all of this is the time I do have to analyze what is really important in my life. It sure as hell is my family, my friends who could live close by me if I chose a different place to live, a cute guy that I'd prefer to see everyday, rather than every other weekend, and possibly even a place to go outside or in a small town that I enjoy visiting. All of these things ring the word "home" to me and I feel like I don't even have one of them to escape with.

Now it was my choice to move and start work right away, but could I have waited and lived off my parents...no probably not. I needed to work as soon as possible to get my life started a.k.a. Pay my bills. Which I'm thankful for...I appreciate more and I know how tough life can really be...no surprises for me. But as I think about these past choices I think to myself now and ask:"why am I choosing to stay put and stop changing my situation for the better? Why have I stopped making a choice?" If you're not happy, change it. Right?! Well this is when I begin to make excuses for myself...is life really that awful, are you really that unhappy, can you just pick up and go somewhere else? I answer yes to each of those questions. So what the hell am I still doing here? I honestly think I've been waiting on a miracle, something to tell me that it's the right time! But how do I really know. I'm scared a drastic change will cause problems and upset. What do I do? I'm truelly unhappy but terrified about what is behind door number 1. What can I finally do in order to live a "happy" life?

The whirl wind...

So I feel like I'm living within a tornado sometimes. Emotions up one day, down the next 10 days, then back up to a great mood all of a sudden. I sometimes wonder what is going on up there in that brain of mine. It's actually been crazy the past few days. Crazy because I've felt good.

Feeling good in my thoughts, staying positive about current situations, and finally back to my one true "feel good drug"....running outside. Maybe it was the running and fresh air? Who knows what it is. I honestly don't care; I like It.

Life feels great at the moment and it could possibly be the amazing Gribbin sandwich weekend. Last weekend at mom and dad's eating pork roast and potatoes with the original 5, or it could be this weekend in ocean city with my sisters, the salty air and a guy that I sure do love..who knows. Like I said before..stop asking why, just go with it and enjoy! Speaking of this weekend though I can't wait for it!We are going to have so much cozy, yummy fun.

Finally, my last thought to loose sleep over, or well quiet honestly to live off of is the excitement I feel for my future. I know this sounds crazy but really, it is so uncertain. I always thought it would be, but it definitely may not be what I have expected...and that goes for now, and in the far future. I've learned something in the past few days...keep an open mind, a smile on your face, and a prayer on your lips. You never know when one can save the day.

2012 is here!

I can hardly believe that we are now in the new year of 2012! This past year has been full of wonderful times with family and friends, but also 2011 has been packed with sad and telling experiences. However, Lauren said it so well in a text on new years eve and it went a little something like this..."we've gotten through it together and that's all that matters". She is absolutely right...being together keeps us strong and gives us the ability to fight through any and every obstical. I pray that this upcoming year brings a lot of happiness through laughter, health for us all, and most importantly the time together that we love and need. Good bless us!!

As for the much needed work break that I am so lucky to have, words can only hit a fraction of the relaxation, love, rest, and self reflection that I was able to enjoy. Much of my break was spent in ocean city with Dom. He worked for most of the day which was a major bummer, but it did allow me to enjoy walking and running the boardwalk, read a great series called The Hunger Games, and catch up on "slowing down". "slowing down" is something my dad has told me to do my whole life...basically telling me to "think before you speak" "OPEN your mouth when you talk", "tomorrow's a new day", "wait wait wait, talk to me", and the most recent one "Jess just slow down". Words of wisdom from my Daddy-o alright. Honestly though he has been right all of these years and thank goodness he was because I've been listening. My new years resolution for the upcoming 2012 is to slow myself down. Now this really doesn't mean literally walk slow or stop , but it does include things happening in life and how I think they need to be accomplished. Usually I say RIGHT AWAY, but "slowing down" means to take each day for what it's worth. Use the 24 hours god gave you and do what you can with it. Do not over do it and do not become lazy either. Just use your day to get things done and be happy. Also by slowing down I need to stop and remember I need "me" time too. I usually give all of "me" to others and I forget to rest or enjoy things that I love.

I plan to make this work. I also know that I've created this lifestyle for myself and it will take time to alter it for just me. I can do this, and I honestly believe it will help me become a better sister, lover, friend, teacher and coach. This resolution might also ward off the gray hairs that might start popping through...hmm am I thinking to far into this? Dom, what do you think? Hehe